Bald Off!: Big Van Vader vs. The Sith Lord: Darth Vader

It’s time to throw down Bald Celebrity lovers! Time to arm up the Bald Army and go to war!  In light of my recent writings about the epic baldness of both Vaders, Darth and Big Van, I’ve decided that the two must battle it out for bald supremecy…okay, that last thing sounded like a racist rally cry…so…yeah, it’s time for a Battle of the Balds!
(* crowd goes nuts, annoucer from Punch Out trots to the middle of the ring*)

Ladies and gentlemen, balds and girls, let me introduce to you the former WCW World Heavyweight Champion, the man with the leather-mask…Big…Van…Vader! (*Crowd goes nuts*) And in this corner, hailing from a galaxy far far away…The Dark Lord of the Sith…Darth mother-effin Vader! ( *crowd boos, bell rings, Big Van Vader runs at Darth, Darth looks at Big Van…and Big Van implodes under the pressure of the force…literally…as in there’s nothing left but a singlet and a mask filled with goo and hoagie chunks. So yeah, Darth Vader would win that one; plus he’s more bald, so that’s cool. Wow folks…don’t eff with the force.